Some people come here to take a rest,
I came here to leave one.
-
- On this way you can save your paper!
Types of
farters
VAIN
A person who loves the smell of his own farts
AMIABLE
A person who loves the smell of other people's farts
PROUD
A person who thinks his farts are exceptionally fine
SHY
A person who releases silent farts and then blushes
IMPUDENT
A person who boldly farts out loud and then laughs
UNFORTUNATE
A person who tries awfully hard to fart but poops instead
SCIENTIFIC
A person who farts regularly but is only concerned about pollution
NERVOUS
A person who stops in the middle of his fart
HONEST
A person who admits he farted but offers good medical reasons
DISHONEST
A person who farts and then blames the dog
FOOLISH
A person who suppresses a fart for hours and hours
THRIFTY
A person who has several good farts in reserve
ANTI-SOCIAL
A person who excuses himself and farts in complete privacy
STRATEGIC
A person who conceals his farts with loud coughing
SADISTIC
A person who farts in bed and then fluffs the cover over his bedmate
INTELLECTUAL
A person who can determine from the smell of his neighbor's fart precisely
the latest food item consumed
ATHLETIC
A person who farts at the slightest exertion
MISERABLE
A person who would truly love to, but can't fart at all
SENSITIVE
A person who farts and then starts crying
ART
FART
It's such a beauty you want to immortalize it
on canvas.
ARROGANT FART
When you think your farts don't stink.
ASSAULT FART
A sudden attack that shoots virtual flames out
your arse.
TIRE FART
You can't control the blow out.
BEER FARTS
These come out of every 'can' and smell like
warm beer.
JAIL FART
Been doing time inside you for quite awhile,
and finally makes its great
escape.
DONKEY FART
Your ass is the only one that can do it.
GHOST FART
You can't hear it, you can't see it, and you
can't smell it.
HOME ALONE FART
When you're home alone and a great one is
wasted on no one.
SHOE FART
When you bend over to tie your shoe laces and
one escapes.
TANK FART
When you refer to your farts as 'gas'.
OLD FART
You know how old it is by how bad it smells.
BRAIN FART
You need to fart, but nothing comes out.
ALZHEIMER FART
A confused fart that heads the wrong way, and
becomes a burp.
NOT-ME FART
When you drop a bomb in a crowded elevator,
turn around to the person
behind
you and give a disgusted look and whisper
"PIG!"
U.F.O. FART
When someone farts in crowded room, label it
as a "Unidentified Foul
Odor".
Back when there were pay toilets in many
areas, this was seen scratched
on the booth wall in the Greyhound station in
Chattanooga, Tennessee:
"Here I sit,
all broken-hearted;
Paid a dime to shit,
and only farted!"
Another seen above a urinal in Norfolk,
Virginia:
"Please don't throw cigar butts in the urinal;
it makes them soggy and
hard to light!"
My brother saw his one above the urinal in
the airport terminal in San
Diego:
Written on the wall just above the urinal,
with an arrow ponting up:
"Look ye up!"
When he looked up, there near the ceiling was
another arrow pointing
down, with this: "Look ye down, ye are pissing
in ye boots!"
That's all I've got for now!
J.V. Tipton, Chattanooga, Tennessee.
"Wen yur shuving those tampoons think of my
fat dik!"
"Who let the janitor in here with a pen?"
"I don't think it was the janitor.I think it
was some gross bich."
"For the record, the following words are
spelled: tampons, dick, shoving, when, and
BITCH!"
Here I sit, in a vapor.
This damn place has no paper.
I cannot wait, I cannot linger:
Look out, ass hole, here comes my finger!
Some
people come here to sit and think
and some
come here so shit and stink
I just
came to scratch my balls
and read
the poems on the walls
You
should really fear,
if a rat
should bite your rear.
But I
know one good protection...
Your
should fart in the rats direction !
Here I
lie in stinky vapor,
Because some bastard stole the toilet paper,
Shall I lie, or shall I linger,
Or shall I be forced to use my finger.
Here I sit
Broken hearted
Tried to shit
But only farted
Here I sit
What a caper
I have to shit
But I'm out of paper
You're lucky
You had your chance
I tried to fart,
And shit in my pants!
Some people come here to take a rest,
I came here to leave one.
Some come here to sit and think,
Some come here to shit and stink,
But I come here to scratch my balls,
And read the bullshit on the walls...
Here I sit, I'm at a loss
trying to shit out taco sauce.
When it comes, I hope and pray,
I don't blow my ass away
