The Redneck Valentine!

Kudzu is green,
my dog's name is Blue
And I'm so lucky
to have a sweet thang like you.


Yore hair is like corn silk
a-flapping in the breeze.
Softer than Blue's
And without all them fleas.


You move like the bass,
Which excite me in May.
You ain't got no scales
But I luv you anyway.


You're as graceful as okry
Jist a-dancin' in the pan.
Yo're as fragrant as Sun Drop
Right out of the can.


You have all yore teeth,
For which I am proud;
I hold my head high
When we're in a crowd.


On special occasions,
When you shave yore armpits,
Well, I'm in hawg heaven,
I'm plumb outta my wits.


Still them fellers at work
They all want to know,
What I did to deserve
Such a purty, young doe.


Like a good roll of duct tape
Yo're there fer yore man,
To patch up life's troubles
And stick 'em in the can.


Yo're as strong as a four-wheeler
Racin' through the mud,
Yet fragile as that sanger
Named Naomi Judd.


Yo're as cute as a June bug
A-buzzin' overhead.
You ain't mean like no fire ant
Upon which I oft' tread.


Cut from the best pattern
Like a flannel shirt of plaid,
You sparked up my life
Like a Rattletrap shad.


When you hold me real tight
Like a padded gun rack,
My life is complete;
Ain't nuttin' I lack.


Yore complexion, it's perfection,
Like the best vinyl sidin'.
Despite all the years,
Yore age, it keeps hidin'.


And when you get old
Like a '57 Chevy,
Won't put you on blocks
And let grass grow up heavy.


Me 'n' you's like a Moon Pie
With a RC cold drank,
We go together
Like a skunk goes with stank.


Some men, they buy chocolate
For Valentine's Day;
They git it at Wal-Mart,
It's romantic that way.


Some men git roses
On that special day
From the cooler at Kroger.
"That's impressive," I say.


Some men buy fine diamonds
From a flea market booth.
"Diamonds are forever,"
They explain, suave and couth.


But for this man, honey,
These will not do.
For you are too special,
You sweet thang you.


I got you a gift,
Without taste nor odor,
Better than diamonds
it's a new trollin' motor!



 

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