The Perks of Being Over 50

1. Your supply of brain cells is finally down to manageable size.

2. Your secrets are safe with your friends because they can't remember them either.

3. Your joints are more accurate meteorologists than the national weather service.

4. People telephone at 9 PM and ask, "Did I wake you?"

5. People no longer view you as a hypochondriac.

6. There is nothing left to learn the hard way.

7. Things you buy now won't wear out.

8. You can eat dinner at 5 P.M.

9. You can live without sex but not without glasses.

10. You enjoy hearing about other peoples' operations.

11. You get into heated arguments about pension plans.

12. You have a party and the neighbors don't even realize it.

13. You no longer think of speed limits as a challenge.

14. You've quit trying to hold your stomach in, no matter who walks into the room.

15. You sing along with elevator music.

16. Your eyes won't get much worse.

17. Your investment in health insurance is finally beginning to pay off.

18. You can't remember who sent you this list.


Retired, with a job....

I've often been asked,
'What do you old folks do now that you're retired?'

Well...I'm fortunate to have a few friends
who have chemical engineering backgrounds,
and one of the things we enjoy most is
turning beer, wine, rye, rum, and all other liquids into urine.
And, we're pretty damn good at it too!!'


 

Dear Dr. Phil,

When I retired, I could hardly wait to spend time enjoying my favorite pastime -- bass fishing. I got my own little fishing boat and tried to get my wife to join me, but she just never liked fishing. Finally, one day at the Bait & Tackle Shop, I got to talking to Sam the shop owner who it turned out loves bass fishing as much as I do. We quickly became fishing buddies.
As I said the wife doesn't care about fishing. She not only refuses to join us she always complains that I spend too much time fishing. A few weeks ago Sam and I had the best fishing trip ever. Not only did I catch the most beautiful bass you've ever seen, only a few minutes later Sam must have caught his twin brother! So I took a picture of Sam holding up the two nice bass that we caught and showed the picture to the wife hoping that maybe she'd get interested.

Instead she says she doesn't want me to go fishing at all anymore! And she wants me to sell the boat! I think she just doesn't like to see me enjoying myself.

What would you do? Tell the wife to forget it and continue my hobby or quit fishing and sell the boat as she insists?
Thanks.

P.S. Enclosed is a picture of Sam with the two bass we caught

 

Dear Fisherman,
Get rid of that narrow minded wife.
That's a nice pair of bass!

Sincerely,
Dr. Phil

 

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