Farting Loudly !
 

This is a story about a couple who had been happily married for years.  The only friction in their marriage was the husband's habit of farting loudly every morning when he awoke. The noise would wake his wife and the smell would make her eyes water and make her gasp for air.

Every morning she would plead with him to stop ripping them off because it was making her sick. He told her he couldn't stop it and that it was perfectly natural.  She told him to see a doctor; she was concerned that one day he would blow his guts out. The years went by and he continued to rip them out!

Then one Christmas morning as she was preparing the turkey for dinner and he was upstairs sound asleep, she looked at the bowl where she had put the  turkey innards and neck, gizzard, liver and all the spare parts. A malicious thought came to her.

She took the bowl and went upstairs where ! her husband was sound asleep and, gently pulling back the bed covers, she pulled back the elastic waistband of his underpants and emptied the bowl of turkey guts into his shorts.

Some time later she heard her husband waken with his usual trumpeting, which was followed by a blood curdling scream and the sound of frantic footsteps as he ran into the bathroom. 

The wife could hardly control herself as she rolled on the floor laughing, tears in her eyes! After years of torture she reckoned she had got him back pretty good.

About twenty minutes later, her husband came downstairs in his bloodstained underpants with a look of horror on his face.

"What do you mean?" asked his wife.

 

She bit her lip as she asked him what was the matter. He said, "Honey, you were right."
"All these years you have warned me and I didn't listen to you."

"Well, you always told me that one day I would end up farting my guts out, and today it finally happened. But by the grace of God, some Vaseline, and these two fingers, I think I got most of them back in."

 

 

Types of farters

 

VAIN
A person who loves the smell of his own farts

AMIABLE
A person who loves the smell of other people's farts

PROUD
A person who thinks his farts are exceptionally fine

SHY
A person who releases silent farts and then blushes

IMPUDENT
A person who boldly farts out loud and then laughs

UNFORTUNATE
A person who tries awfully hard to fart but poops instead

SCIENTIFIC
A person who farts regularly but is only concerned about pollution

NERVOUS
A person who stops in the middle of his fart

HONEST
A person who admits he farted but offers good medical reasons

DISHONEST
A person who farts and then blames the dog

FOOLISH
A person who suppresses a fart for hours and hours

THRIFTY
A person who has several good farts in reserve

ANTI-SOCIAL
A person who excuses himself and farts in complete privacy

STRATEGIC
A person who conceals his farts with loud coughing

SADISTIC
A person who farts in bed and then fluffs the cover over his bedmate

INTELLECTUAL
A person who can determine from the smell of his neighbor's fart precisely the latest food item consumed

ATHLETIC
A person who farts at the slightest exertion

MISERABLE
A person who would truly love to, but can't fart at all

SENSITIVE
A person who farts and then starts crying


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