1. Turn signals will
give away your next move. A real
2. Under no circumstances should you
leave a safe distance between
you and the car in front of you, or
somebody else will fill in that
space putting you in an even more
3. Crossing two or more lanes in a
single lane-change is
considered "going with the flow."
4. The faster you drive through a red
light, the smaller the chance
you have of getting hit.
5. Never get in the way of an older
car that needs extensive
bodywork. The other guy doesn't have
anything to lose.
6. Braking is to be done as hard and
as late as possible to ensure
that your ABS kicks in, giving a nice,
relaxing foot massage as the
brake pedal pulsates. For those of you
without ABS, it's a chance to
stretch your legs.
7. Speed limits are arbitrary figures,
given only as suggestions and
are apparently not enforceable in the
metro area during rush hour.
8. Please remember that there is no
such thing as a shortcut during
9. Always slow down and rubber-neck
when you see an accident or even
someone changing a tire.
10. Everybody thinks their vehicle is
better than yours, especially
11 It is traditional to honk your horn
at cars that don't move the
instant the light changes.
12. Seeking eye contact with another
driver revokes your right of way.
13. Never take a green light at face
value. Always look right and
left before proceeding.
14. Remember that the goal of every
driver is to get there first, by
whatever means necessary.
15. Real women drivers can put on
pantyhose and apply eye makeup at
130 kph in bumper-to-bumper traffic.
16. Real men drivers can remove
pantyhose and a bra at 130 kph in
17. Heavy fog and rain are no reasons
to change any of the previously
listed rules. These weather conditions
are God's way ensuring a
natural selection process for body
shops, junkyards, and new vehicle
18. There is a common held belief that
highspeed tailgating in heavy
traffic reduces petrol consumption as
you get sucked along in the
slipstream of the car in front. This
19. It's OK to cut off fully loaded
semi-trailers, road trains and
buses because they have brakes.
20. Always anticipate oncoming traffic
while driving down a one way
21. It's O.K when driving in suburbs
to air your grievances at bad
drivers by giving the "one or two
finger salute" while screaming
out "fucking arsehole". But it is
imperative you are driving a turbo
charged V6 or a 5 litre V8, with a
crow bar in your lap.
Safety Council has done
extensive testing on a newly
designed seat belt. Results
show that accidents can be
reduced by as much as 45%
when the belt is properly
installed. Correct installation
is illustrated below.......