THE BEAT POST

Stop and listen to "Amazing Grease" (New Version)

10 Words That Don't Exist But Should

1. AQUADEXTROUS (ak wa deks' trus) adj. Possessing the ability to turn the bathroom faucet on and off with your toes.

2. CARPERPETUATION (kar' pur pet u a shun) n. The act, when vacuuming, of running over a string or a piece of lint at least a dozen times, reaching over and picking it up, examining it, then putting it back down to give the vacuum one more chance.

3. DISCONFECT (dis kon fekt') v. To sterilize the piece of candy you dropped on the floor by blowing on it, assuming this will somehow 'remove' all the germs.

4. ELBONICS (el bon' iks) n. The actions of two people maneuvering for one armrest in a movie theater (airplane).

5. FRUST (frust) n. The small line of debris that refuses to be swept onto the dust pan and keep backing a person across the room until he finally decides to give up and sweep it under the rug.

6. LACTOMANGULATION (lak' to man guy lay' shun) n. Manhandling the "open here" spout on a milk container so badly that one has to resort to the 'illegal' side.

7. PEPPIER (pehp ee ay') n. The waiter at a fancy restaurant whose sole purpose seems to be walking around asking diners if they want ground pepper.

8. PHONESIA (fo nee' zhuh) n. The affliction of dialing a phone number and forgetting whom you were calling just as they answer.

9. PUPKUS (pup'kus) n. The moist residue left on a window after a dog presses its nose to it.

10.TELECRASTINATION (tel e kras tin ay' shun) n. The act of always letting the phone ring at least twice before you pick it up, even when you're only six inches away.

From American Television

"HUMOR FOR LEXOPHILES" !

I wondered why the baseball was getting
bigger. Then it hit me.

Police were called to a day care where
a 3-yr-old was resisting a rest.

Did you hear about the guy whose whole
left side was cut off? He's all right now.

The roundest knight at King Arthur's round
table was Sir Cumference.

To write with a broken pencil is pointless.

When fish are in schools, they sometimes
take debate.

The short fortune teller who escaped from
prison was a small medium at large.

A thief who stole a calendar got 12 months.

A thief fell & broke his leg in wet cement.
He became a hardened criminal.

When the smog lifts in Los Angeles, U.C.L.A.

The dead batteries were given out free of
charge.

A dentist and a manicurist fought tooth
and nail.

A bicycle can't stand alone; it is two tired.

A will is a dead giveaway.

Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like

a banana.

A backward poet writes inverse.

In a democracy it's your vote that counts;
in feudalism, it's your Count that votes.

A chicken crossing the road,
poultry in motion.

If you don't pay your exorcist you can get repossessed.

Show me a piano falling down a mine shaft
& I'll show you A-flat miner..

The guy who fell onto an upholstery machine
was fully recovered.

A grenade fell onto a kitchen floor in France,
resulted in Linoleum Blownapart.

You are stuck with your debt if you

can't budge it.

A calendar's days are numbered.

A lot of money is tainted: 'Taint yours and 'taint mine.

A boiled egg is hard to beat.

Those who get too big for their britches will be
exposed in the end.

When you've seen one shopping center,
you've seen a mall.

When she saw her first strands of gray hair,
she thought she'd dye.

Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead to
know basis.

Santa's helpers are subordinate clauses.

Acupuncture: a jab well done.


Send this page to Friends